A little look back at August via Facebook… (What is this? All answers are HERE.)
“I like to do like this…makes me look old.”
So chronic lower back pain seems to be part of my life now… Feels like just yesterday my worst “getting old” complaint was a wrinkled face. I’m nothing short of nostalgic for those golden 20something years spent crying about my big butt.
Ages 7-14 my ass! Try Ages 7-41 Lego.
Me: Eleanor, can you do me a favor? Give Oliver this underwear and tell him to put it ON.
Eleanor: [put upon sigh] OKAY. But I’m just going to throw them at him.
It’s all about compromise.
Weirdest bruise ever. Going up? Or going down?
At the farm, in “the sheep’s lair.” Oliver makes up for his delayed language skills with a creative vocabulary.
You know how they say that people who crave power and a position of authority often wind up in law enforcement? Wonder if the same could be said of school crossing guards… I’m guessing puppet masters, every one of them. “You go! You stay! Now YOU go! But you still stay! Stay there… Don’t moooove…”
Me: Hey – there’s the mailman. He’s getting here LATE.
Eleanor: Maybe he’s getting married.
Me: You think he’s late because he’s getting MARRIED?
George: He already IS married.
Me: How do you know he’s married?
George: Because he’s old.
One minute of a car ride with George…
George: Hey mom! Your brain is electric. That’s why your forehead is hot.
George: Yeah…And mom? How old are you, is how long you are living, right?
Me: Yes – that’s true.
George: Hey mom! I made up this song [We Are Young by FUN.] in my head before it was REAL.
Me: You did?
George: Yeah – when I was a baby watching fireworks. Hey! I see some fog!
I will NEVER tire of this.
If there is anything in the world cuter than baby chicks, I can’t name it. At the farm again…
I often think that I don’t have the three most inquisitive children in the world… Possibly because from the time they could talk and ask questions like, “what’s that mommy?” my first reaction response has inevitably been “don’t touch it!“
Kate Hood. Squashing curiosity since 2005
After spending an extensive amount of time watching Sponge Bob, Oliver has perfected a flawless Squidward impression. Of course, he usually does this in public places…seemingly for his own entertainment… But talent is TALENT.
Eleanor got two nasty bee stings today. Or wasp or hornet…some really vicious breed of bee – they literally chased her home. But not to worry. Chris found the hive/nest (getting stung 8 times in the process) and set it on fire. I’ve always said that if there really is a Zombie Apocalypse, I have one bad ass husband to keep us safe.
On the walk home from a play date…
Oliver: Mom, Annoying Orange told a [I then heard him say] nice story.
Me: Really? A NICE story?
Oliver: No. A [I then heard him say] KNIGHT story.
Me: OH! A Knight story.
Oliver: NO! A [he really said] KNIFE story.
I’m sorry – am I supposed to be monitoring what he’s viewing online? Dammit! That baby-owner’s manual mentioned NOTHING about this…
If your six year old twins ever decide to have a screaming match in the back seat during your morning commute, blast Play that Funky Music White Boy on the radio and sing along as loudly and enthusiastically as possible. Chair dancing is also a nice bonus. They will be so distracted and/or horrified that they will completely forget that they were fighting in the first place. You’re welcome.
I just had to walk Alice around the block for a full 15 minutes before she would finally do her business. Not like we don’t have to leave for camp or anything… Then I found two little boys in underwear waiting for me at our open front door with VERY IMPORTANT information to impart!
Oliver: Mom! Eleanor broke my Shellraiser (Ninja Turtle Lego vehicle) but it’s okay because it was just an accident!
George: Mom! We have Jello AND pudding!
Then we had to convince Eleanor to come out of her room where she was inexplicably upset and hiding even though no one was mad about the freaking Shellraiser (which I will have the pleasure of “fixing” later today).
Everyone just PUT ON YOUR PANTS and let’s GO.
Right now, Eleanor is “teaching Oliver gymnastics” and asked me to come observe. His last “move” ended with pulling off his underwear. Eleanor’s assessment: “that is totally NOT part of gymnastics!“
I don’t know about you, but I smell a brother-sister talent show act…
I just apologized to a La La Loopsy doll. Eleanor and her friends painted it head to toe in green sparkly nail polish this afternoon. Is it just me, or was anyone else scarred for life by the Toy Story movies?
George: Mom, what day it is?
Chris: What day “IS IT.”
Shut up Chris.
Seriously – the cuteness only lasts so long…
Me: Eleanor, time to go upstairs and brush your teeth.
Eleanor: But my legs are TOO TIRED to walk upstairs.
Me: Well, sometimes we have to do things even when we’re tired.
Eleanor: No REALLY. I CAN’T. I’m TOO TIRED.
Me: Eleanor, if I put a cupcake at the top of the stairs and told you that you could eat it if you made it up there by the time I counted to three, YOU would muster up enough energy to do it.
Eleanor: But there ISN’T a cupcake at the top of the stairs!
Me: Exactly. Welcome to the rest of your life.
“No more whining! It’s now time to be silent and enjoy Dexy’s Midnight Runners with me!“
Morning commute radio.
I think it says a lot about my personal maintenance this summer that my three year old neighbor has a better pedicure than me.
“Wait! Chew. Swallow. THEN make the motorboat noise.”
I’m such a micro-manager…
George just walked up, put his hand on my stomach, and observed, “it looks like the baby is about to come out.” what is he trying to say? #sowrong
First rule of Moon Bounce: Never talk about Moon Bounce. #EpicBirthdayParty
Eleanor (who is SIX): Do you have Aster’s phone number?
Me: Yes – why?
Eleanor: Oh – in case I want to call her for a play date.
Me: I have it – so we can call her if that comes up.
Eleanor: OR I can call her since I’m getting a phone for Christmas.
Me: You’re getting a PHONE for Christmas?
Me: Who decided THAT?
Had a fun, spur of the moment dinner party here with friends last night. Sadly, it did have to end. This happened when the soon-to-be first graders came up from the basement to announce that the two year old pooped. “But just a little one.” They knew this because they were having a naked party (what?!) But my favorite part was when six year old Lucy informed me that she took care of it – and handed me the Candy Land card she used to “scoop it up.” Why our parties don’t get mentioned in the Society pages, I will NEVER KNOW…
Right now, I am figuring out fall premiere dates for all of my favorite TV shows. I will probably watch most of them real time.
Also? I miss the TV Guide.
Categorized under: things I have in common with your grandparents.
I have officially reached the point in summer vacation where I feel like we’re camping in our own house. Really looking forward to school starting after Labor Day…
Eleanor just turned on the TV. It’s the beginning of UP. The minute I heard the music, I almost burst into tears. Now sniffling and secretly dabbing at eyes. Damn you UP! And you too, Tracy Chapman with your Fast Car. I don’t do “poignant” prettily.
I’m 99% sure the Costco card checker guy just hit on me.
Suburban mom thought of the morning.
Me: [making note that as Chris is about to take the dog for a walk, he has to pour himself a small glass of wine] You always have to have a drink when you walk Alice in the evening.
Chris: It’s my “dog walking drink.”
Me: You certainly do have your affectations…
Chris: I have my things.
Me: You mean your affectations?
Chris: I have my things.
Whatever. Think I may start having a “dog walking drink” when I take Alice out at 6:00 a.m. I, also have my things…
And THEN my neighbor who isn’t even on Facebook texted me, “can I borrow a glass of wine? Stuck here with a play date.” Next thing you know, new moms on the block are going to start asking me if I can bring over mimosas on the odd Tuesday morning. Concerned about how we are perceived…
George: Mom! Did you know that Venjamin’s name ISN’T Venjamin?
Me: It’s not?
George: NO! It’s BENjamin.
I’ll have to “fermember” that….
The good news: Found out that 100% of the procedure required to repair my deviated septum will be covered by insurance!
The bad news: That amazing “you but better” pitch I got from the plastic surgeon who will perform the procedure was a waste of everyone’s time. Insurance will cover 0% of the thousands of dollars required to make me look like me but better. I’ll just have to look like me. Oh well – I guess being able to breath at night without 20 pillows is still pretty cool.
Waiting for The Great Zucchini, every kid in DC’s favorite comedian, to start the show. Let the toilet paper jokes commence!
George: Mom. “Hot” is not a ‘propriate word for kids right?
Me: No – it’s not appropriate for kids.
George: And “Sweet Mama!” That’s not ‘propriate either.
I can’t even.
Oliver: MOM! I want to COLLECT THEM ALL!
So yes – my children may be watching just a leeeetle bit too much TV this summer….
George: Mom! You know snow? Is really cloud POOP.
Guess we’re ready for winter? See ya August!