Are You My Mother?

Remember that virtual dinner party from way back when? (No? Well check the link if you want to know what I’m talking about.) I’m slowly making my way through the list and I have another “virtual guest” visiting The Big Piece of Cake this week.

Anna from An Inch of Gray is my very first blog crush. I happened upon her site months before I started my own blog, and immediately fell in love with her humor and candor. The first post I read was an absolutely beautiful tribute to her mother. I became her first stalker.

Luckily – I didn’t scare Anna away with my enthusiastic commenting, and we’ve actually gotten to know each other in “real life” (as it turns out, we live in the same area).

Thank you Anna for inspiring me to start my own blog and not getting a restraining order once you found out that I live within 10 miles of your house.

Are You My Mother?

I look older than my husband.

Growing up, I was always told I acted older than I was and I liked it. I hovered on the fringe of adult conversation, hung out with grown ups, and, as I reached my teen years, dressed “older.” My best friend and I would wear pencil skirts, high heels, blouses and pearls to high school to project an air of sophistication.

When I lamented the fact that I didn’t look like quite grown-up enough, my mom told me to be careful what I wished for. She said that girls who matured later often still had cute, girlish figures in their 40’s, while those who matured early often flamed out. I didn’t know anyone still used the phrase “girlish figures” anymore, but I did listen. My mother was a buxom homecoming queen and I guess she’d seen her share of pubescent pixies blossom later in life.

The high heels and wool suits followed me to college, however, and when I started teaching high school to kids who were in some cases less than 5 years younger than I was, I was happy to look as mature as possible.

Now I wish I could turn back the clock. My husband, Tom, looks the same as he did in high school. No signs that his thick black hair is going anywhere, or going gray for that matter, while I’ve been covering my roots since age 18.


Getting a little thick around the middle? Not Tom. And his Italian heritage shows nary a sign of wrinkles on his face. And seeing his dad still romping around in short shorts at age 70 with his trim young body (did I just write that??) is like looking into a crystal ball. Tom is not aging. See that wedding picture up there? He hasn’t changed. One. Bit.

And me? Decades of sun-worshipping, and not a few instances of zit-picking have started to reveal my true age. Aversion to exercise and fondness of Girl Scout cookies haven’t helped either. Please don’t think I’m fishing for compliments here. It’s not that I think I look OLD, but I do look my age. My other half just isn’t keeping up his end of the bargain.

I’m just going to hate being one of those couples. I think of friends of friends I met recently. The husband looked so young I thought the wife was his MOTHER. Yikes. We’re not there yet, but the future looms large. Hello? George H.W. and Barbara Bush?

Sure, the former prez was tottering a bit at the recent inauguration ceremonies, but that’s probably because he hurt his leg jumping out of an airplane or something. His face remains tanned and unlined whereas hers has been, ahem, grandmotherly, since the early 70’s. The 1970’s, not her 70’s.

If Tom gets a sports car in his 50’s it won’t even look like a mid-life crisis, but I’m screwed no matter what I do. If as I age I try too hard to look young next to him, I’ll end up a desperate, grasping cougar. But not trying at all seems like just pulling on my comfy pants, crawling under the covers, and throwing in the towel.

Not that that sounds so bad. Could someone pass the Thin Mints?

22 thoughts on “Are You My Mother?

  1. Kate Coveny Hood

    I worry about this too. My husband is very “boyish” as well… But if all else fails – Thin Mints are really good if you keep them in the freezer.

    Reply
  2. Debbie

    You were just ahead of your time! You can pretend you are a cougar even though you all are the same age. You will be quite stylish and most people will hate you for it:)
    Great guest post. And I read both of you!!

    Reply
  3. Heidi

    Okay, first. I adore thin mints. Adore them.

    Second. I love my comfy pants. I get them on as soon as my kids get their pajamas on…sometimes sooner.

    Third, you’re delightful. :)

    Reply
  4. Texan Mama @ Who Put Me In Charge

    Girl, don’t pretend for one minute you look anything less than fabulous. Your outsides are almost as pretty as your innards.

    (that’s a compliment, by the way, in case you couldn’t tell.)

    Reply
  5. Christy

    I actually live in my comfy clothes. If I have to leave the house I might put on jeans but I have pjs on top under my jacket. And a stash of thin mints in my car AND my freezer.

    Reply
  6. Gale

    Oh this is me for sure….my husband goes to the gym everyday, runs marathons and just did an iron man. Me on the other hand, I don’t work out, eat too much and desperately need to go on a diet. I’m in trouble.

    Reply
  7. Anonymous

    Anna,
    Don’t worry, you are beautiful. Here are a couple of things to remember from a 64 year old aging gracefully Mom – wrinkles don’t matter as long as they are smile wrinkles and posture, bearing, and style always save the day. Loved your post. Thin mints are one of the best things on earth!

    Reply
  8. Manic Mommy

    I hear you sister! Mine’s more about weight than age – although I’ve been doing my roots since I was 23.

    Andy will never have a weight problem, so I don’t have the option of gaining some and the two of us looking like those cute salt-and-pepper-shakers older couples.

    Don’t be a cougar; be a MILF.

    Reply
  9. Connie Weiss

    Great guest post!! Hubby is a cutie!

    We have the opposite problem here….everyone, okay real estate agents think that my husband is my kids’ Grandpa.

    I am his Trophy Wife and I’m fine with that. And I’m fully prepared to take advantage of Utah being the plastic surgery capital of the United States.

    Reply
  10. Sal

    Anna, I feel you. I’m 32, my husband is 43. People think HE’S IN HIS TWENTIES. At this point, we still make sense as as a couple, but eventually, I’m gonna be his mom. Or aunt. No more trophy wife status …

    Reply
  11. L

    Go comfy pants! The man I married is keeping pace with me age-wise, thank goodness, but I definitely manage to pull ahead in the schlumpy attire dept. You rock, Anna See!

    Reply
  12. Csquaredplus3

    That was great! Love the photo of Barbara – says it all…

    You look adorable in your photo – doesn’t look like you’re aging THAT quickly. ;)

    Reply
  13. AnastasiaSpeaks

    Anna – That was a fantastic post! Funny and honest, which is so you!

    My husband looks super young too. :)

    Hugs.

    Reply
  14. bernthis

    Girl you look good. Trust me, no one is going to think you are anything but a couple. Oh and when you’re done with the Thin Mints could you pass me some?

    Reply
  15. LiLu

    I am so scared of this too! I can tell my boyfriend isn’t going to look any older… I’ve been wearing sunscreen for years, but other than that, I’ve done about jack to make sure I keep my youthful looks. And Scotch Irish women generally do not age as well as others…

    Reply
  16. Jbhat

    Just discovered Anna yesterday, and followed her here. I LOVED this post. And ugh, I just turned 40 on the 19th…but I am newly pregnant too, so maybe that will keep me young?

    Reply

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