Hard to believe summer is over… “But it is!” I shout joyously as I wave goodbye to that sparkling, golden school bus. Seriously though – I do kind of miss those little rascals. Here is what we did in August. (What is this? All answers are HERE.)
What? You DON’T wear a jaunty eye patch to the grocery store? #ArrrMatey
Show is about to start!
Obligatory selfie with Diane and Mickie! Time to turn off the phone and put on my glasses… #BookofMormon
Me: George! You can’t always be the victim!
George: I’m NOT being the victim! Oliver’s MAKING me the victim!
I think he just broke my brain.
I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned this here – but I’m not overly fond of being touched. Not much of a hugger… Please don’t play with my hair… Your “getting a massage” is my “getting manhandled.” Apparently Oliver takes after me. Chris (who loves being manhandled) just asked him if he’d like a back scratch. Oliver gave him a wary look, scooted a few inches away and said, “I have no itch.” Exactly Oliver! I have no itch. Ever. There is a reason why I feel so comfortable socializing online… #MaintainthePerimeter
George (about the cover of the Chasing Fireflies catalog): Those are the creepiest dolls I’ve ever seen!
Eleanor: they’re real people.
George: Well they’re really creepy as dolls.
In the doctor’s waiting room (after the nurse handed the kids paper gowns to bring in when the exam room is ready)…
Eleanor: Why do we have to wear a paper gown at our check up?
Oliver: I don’t want to wear this. Can I keep my shirt on under this?
Me: (to Oliver) No. (to Eleanor) it’s for your personal comfort, so you don’t have to sit around naked.
George: I like like being naked!
Eleanor: Yeah – and I don’t wear pajamas to bed.
George: I sit in the window naked every morning.
Now Eleanor is practicing the splits, George is shredding the paper gown he’s holding and Oliver is trying to flag down everyone who passes to ask if he can keep his shirt on.
“All I’m saying is that I don’t want to see ANY body parts in the drain pipe!”
Kids and I are on our way to Oregon to visit my parents. Made it to our gate at Dulles with just enough time to buy some water bottles. Flight to Denver was bad. A lot of turbulence. At one point George thought we were going down. Other passengers were made aware of his distress. Arrived in Denver for a 40 minute layover. Just enough time to procure more water bottles and candy (because okayfineyoucanhaveit) AND with 15 minutes before boarding I figured we had JUUUSSST enough time to drop by the wine bar for MY nerve calming treat. During that time, my three kids got turned away from the bar (their first choice seats while I was selecting my glass of St. Francis Cabernet – did I mention that I’m a nervous flyer?) and were directed to the “restaurant” seating five inches from the bar; George announced our home address to everyone there when the bartender asked us “where we’re from in VA”; I took a phone call from Chris who is SUPER bummed to be left behind for a week; two women came over to tell me how great they think it is that I dragged three children into a wine bar at 11:30 am (said I looked like I needed it); and I was able drink a lovely glass of red and reflect upon my questionable parenting choices. When I saw that boarding had been in full swing for close to 10 minutes, I signed the check and hustled my group to the gate…where they appeared to be closing the doors. WHAT?! Upon our hasty arrival, I was informed the they close the gate “10 minutes before departure” (HELLO! It was way more than 10 min before departure but I don’t argue when positioned in front of a half closed door…). Apparently we were lucky that “the pilot had to use the bathroom.” (Chalking this up to small planes….) When we finally arrived at our seats (which had changed due to our tardiness) and sat down, agreeing that we were pretty lucky to have made it, George admonished me in his best public speaking voice, “yeah Mom! You shouldn’t have stopped for wine!”
We arrived in Medford! Got our checked bag (after standing directly in front of where they come out so George could say “no…no…no…” as each suitcase that wasn’t ours emerged), met Grandpa and are on our way to Klamath Falls! Ten minutes in, Eleanor gasps, “where’s my backpack!?” Aaaaand back to baggage claim….
Our sweet ride for a tour of the Running Y. Kids had never been on a convertible before!
George: Hey Mom – I I have a really good idea.
Me: What’s that?
George: Well. If you give me your phone, I can take it into the boys’ bathroom and take pictures so you can see what it looks like.
Me: Why would I want to see the boys’ bathroom?
George: Oh – you know. So you can see what a urinal looks like.
Eleanor: We’ve already seen a urinal before.
George: Well you could see what some other ones look like, and all the other stuff in the boys’ bathroom. So Mom – do you want me to do that?
Me: You know – that’s a good plan, but the truth is, I’ve never been all that curious about the boys’ bathroom.
Eleanor: I have.
One more reason to say no when Eleanor asks for a cell phone…
Got my passed out roomie into bed.
If this isn’t the definition of “Grandpa of the Year” then I don’t know what is. #ButI’mStillLittle
That moment when you realize that the “potentially decent” radio station you found is Christian rock.
When the Klondike bar becomes a handful of ice cream. #August
Portrait of three children who have been waiting in baggage claim for over 30 minutes. #WhereIsOurSuitcase
Me to five year old neighbor I’m babysitting: Hey – for our morning walk, we could take bikes and scooters up to Dunkin’ Donuts as a special treat. What do you think?
Five year old neighbor: YAY!!!! Well actually – could we drive?
“So Mom. There are three different kinds of smoking that can kill you: cigarettes, cigars and smokeweed.”
-George Hood, age 8
(And yes – I made him repeat this several times to make sure I heard him right.)
Chris: So you guys – want to hear something cool? The U.S. and Japan are building robots that are going to fight each other.
Eleanor: Then what?
Chris: Then one of them will win.
Eleanor: Then what?
Chris: Then we’ll know which robot is better!
George: And we’ll win millions of dollars!
Chris: No – no one wins money.
George: Then what do they win?
Chris: Bragging rights!
Eleanor: It would be better to win money…
George: No… It would be better to BE THE ROBOT.
Clearly the these children take after their mother. Except for that being the robot part.
Just hustled everyone into the car to race to swim class. And I think I actually SAID, “wow – looks like it’s about to pour.” Five minutes into a drive under ominous looking clouds…
Oliver: Mom – did you bring an umbrella?
Me: No. That would have been a good idea, wouldn’t it?
Another item to file under “things my children put up with.” Seriously – they’re lucky I finally stopped forgetting to bring towels (or – on that one humiliating occasion – bathing suits).
My Alex just got back from her first day, interning at MtoM Consulting and she looks so cute and happy! I told her she should have thrown that hat in the air when she got outside. Obviously, she had no idea what I’m talking about. #WellItsYouGirlAndYouShouldKnowIt #YoureGonnaMakeItAfterAll
Words I may need to ban from my 8-10 year olds’ conversations…
1. Actually: As in “ACTUALLY, Mom [insert contradiction of something I just said here].
2. Always: As in “but she ALWAYS [insert something he just did to her, prompting a reprimand from me].
3. Never: As in “but he NEVER [insert something that she failed to do, prompting a reprimand from me].
4. Fair: As in “it’s NOT FAIR.” [see #2-3 above]
5. Bored: As in, “I’m BORED.” [because, ACTUALLY, going to the pool, riding bikes outside, seeing plays, traveling to the west coast TWICE in the past two months and hanging out with neighborhood friends 24/7 isn’t any fun at all.]
Can summer end now?
OH HELLO autumn.
George: Mom – can we please get Grand Theft Auto 5?
Me: You don’t need a game about stealing cars.
George: But it’s not just about stealing cars!
Me: It’s not?
George: No! There’s also guns and shooting and stuff.
OH. Well in that case…